Lofty Thoughts, Fabled Existence

2 Corinthians 12:9-“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness.”

I’m up at 2am thinking on this verse. Thinking on why I have made some of the decisions I have made. I have come to the conclusion I didn’t believe God could ever be enough. I had this view of entering a relationship with God to be constricting, restricting, boring and just not fun. I thought partying, drinking and “doing me” was what was going to make me happy. It was fun, I fit in with the “norm.” But fitting in and had huge consequences and repercussions. I realize God allowed me to be “grown” all to make me see that He was, is and always will be enough. The closer I get to God, the more I see that He is a listener, He has awesome wisdom, He laughs and has a sense of humor, He comforts me and has counted every tear and when I’m off the hook, He will not hesitate to set me straight and keep it 100. The more I walk with Him, when trouble comes, I am more inclined to stay with Him and not fall into my flesh and do what it wants and what other folks want. Yes, I’m still a work in progress, (temptation can be a hot mess!), but I am stronger every day because of God’s strength being made perfect in my weak areas. God has become my best friend and confidant. Not only do I have faith, but I’m starting to trust Him more. I like this new direction my life is going in. Thank You God, for being my everything.

Sin is the sacrifice on the alters of our own self sufficiency. Fornication, greed, lust, pride, etc are what we do to make ourselves feel love, feel worth, feel powerful. Once the sacrifice is made, we feel awesome. But after that high wears off, we seek another sacrifice. We wonder why we have multiple sexual partners because we are always needing something new, something fresh that will sate us. When that man or woman no longer wants us, we often have children that serve as an idol to the sacrifice we made to and for ourselves. We seek more money, better jobs, bigger cars and our self-altars are so full, but always require more. I am finding the more I turn away from self-sufficency and sin and turn to God, He fills me with a joy that no worldly thing can substitute. Not even my child. The more I let Him provide for me, I am more grateful and see all He has brought me through and blessed me with. I see that my fiancee or my son or my friends no longer have to be instruments to satisfy my self sufficiency…they merely enhance what and who God is in my life. I am not all the way there but day by day I die more to myself and my self- sufficiency. In return, I humble and submit to God more. Then blessings come, miracles manifest and I am always left with joy and peace even in the midst of my storm. Instead of every move I make being to satisfy me, it will be to praise God and His favor and blessings will shower me more abundantly, my soul will be saved and my seat in heaven will be more and more certain. God has more for me and as I turn myself and those I love over, I get to see some of His vision. I do slip ad stumble, and I am not all the way where I want to be, but I keep pressing. God left me His word, His Holy Spirit and His son Jesus Christ. He left me the tools of prayer, repentance and forgiveness. And He blesses me with His grace and mercy. These are all things I couldn’t do or give to my own altar, so I will continue to abandon self and chase after Kingdom and God wealth.

Sometimes in the eagerness of a new season, the fresh feeling that comes with it, we try to extend that short term assignment into a lifelong, continuous influence and event. We make plans and have expectations that just aren’t so. We linger in those old seasons and lessons and often miss the greater and ultimate goal God is trying to manifest for our lives. Trust me, I know it’s hard to let go of what becomes familiar, but the more I trust God, the more appealing the unknown becomes. Some events of my life were tests, others were lessons, some people were assignments or sent to edify me in a particular season. But maybe they weren’t meant for me to cling to and bring along for every step of my life. Some trials were only to last a little while, but I keep replaying and reliving instead of learning, growing and moving on. God show me what and who to hold on to and what to let go of so I can move to where You want me to be seamlessly, humbly, and obediently trusting no one but you.—Ecclesiastes 3

Oh Tumblr, How I have missed you! I will be posting new poems, devotionals and thoughts..In the process of overhauling this page :-) Be blessed, only good things are yet to come!